Seven mistakes that make men take to their heels
Mistake #1
Sacrificing or negating who you are
By covering up your own gifts and pretending you do not have any power in the relationship . You're planning to be a part of a couple, but that should never (and I mean never) obscure your own value and importance.
By putting yourself second in the relationship
Don't take yourself off the pedestal. That's your pedestal, and besides, it has sparkles.
Mistake #2
Being a man’s mama
I know we're trained to be nurturing and mother like, but If you treat a man like a child, there will be some of it that he will love. Who doesn't want to have a mother to take care of our every need (once in a while)?
But more than a little of that and a man will begin to feel incompetent and you know what? He'll resent you for it. That's right.
And if you START a relationship that way, you may be dooming it from the start.
Not sure what I mean? Here are a few examples:
Let him drive.
He's a grown man and he's been making it to specific destinations for a while. He'll get you to the cocktail party, ice rink, or movie just fine without a “mom” in the car. And if he doesn't go the way you think he should, remember that when you're driving, you can choose your own route.
Don't second-guess his food choices.
I know you're thinking, “But I would never do that on a first date!” and yet women do. We say things like, “That sounds kind of heavy; don't you want something a little healthier?” or (and this is the worst one) we scold them over ordering dessert, then eat some of theirs because we didn't order any
Don't ask how many beers he plans to order.
If he makes poor choices about drinking, better that you know that early on, so you don’t waste any more of your time. You can always call a cab (or an understanding girlfriend) for a ride home.
Don't ask him if he's warm enough, or if he brought a jacket.
Would you clear up the table at a restaurant because the waiter “forgot”? Of course not. That's the waiter's job. In the same way, you don't need to make sure that a man is taking care of himself. That's HIS job. You want a MAN, not a boy. So make sure you're a girlfriend (wife, or lover) but not a mom.
Mistake #3
When you're not in it to win it
GO AFTER THIS, girlfriend. Don't sit around and WAIT for your prince to show up, because who has time for that crap?
Take the initiative, engage with the world, and lead with a smile...
It's perfectly understandable if you are nervous, scared, or uncertain. But don't broadcast that to the world, and don't let your doubt be what drives you.
There's something wonderful out there for you – go get it (or someone else will).
Life is waiting to be lived, so go out and live it so hard and so well that the air around you throws off sparks and you leave a bunch of slightly exhausted, happy people in your wake.
Mistake #4
When you kill his thrill of the chase
Remember, guys are looking for an adventure. They love a task, a job, a hero's quest. So make sure you're not the low-hanging fruit that any scrub could just reach out and pluck.
This isn't about pretending you don't want a man in your life, it's about knowing that you're going after what you want in every aspect of your life, and if he intends to catch you, he better keep up!
• Don't call him more than he calls you.
• Don't drop everything to return every single text or call immediately.
• Keep dating other guys until and unless you've both agreed to be exclusive.
• Encourage him to have “guy time” – because you're going to keep having
“girl time.”
• Don't sleep with him too soon, and never become a “bootie call” with any
man you're serious about.
If he doesn't have to chase, work and even fight to win you...he probably won't want you.
LET HIM WORK TO WIN YOU!
There are actually two reasons for this, and only one of them has to do with how fiercely competitive and task-oriented guys are.
YOU ARE WORTH IT.
You are gorgeous, confident, whip-smart, and getting sexier every day. That's premium goods, beautiful, and you can't just be giving your attention away for nothing.
Mistake #5
Insincere or unspecific praise
This screams “desperation,” and it's not an attractive thing.
Look for things that are praiseworthy and let him know what he's doing right in sincere, straight forward terms. Remember, you want a man, not a little boy. And you are a genuine prize, not one of those pretty but aimlessly chattering babes that's hardly worth asecond thought.
Mistake #6
Ignoring the power of not...quite...saying everything
Okay, this one is a touch more tricky. Sometimes it looks like simply not saying everything you know. But there's also a more subtle tool here, and you are going to love using it.
I sometimes call this the art of the unfinished sentence. The purpose of an unfinished
sentence is to let him know he's made you speechless (in a good way), or to allow and encourage him to fill in the blanks with his own version.
Today he's working on some bizarre project in the garage. You have no idea what it
is.
You say: Very interesting, all this. So tell me...
Just now he did something very gallant, sexy, or otherwise praiseworthy.
You : YOU are SO... (flash your million dollar smile)
We ladies are usually VERY quick with words, and we usually have a waterfall of them constantly running. It can be overwhelming to a guy, which makes your judicious use of silence particularly powerful.
Mistake #7
Premature enunciation
Whatever you do, you don't want to come across as needy. Because you aren't. Your life belongs to you, and you are numero uno here. He may be welcomed in, but you don't settle for scrubs, and he's going to have to win your attention because it doesn't come for free. You are in control of this relationship.
DON'T GUSH over him as if nobody has ever paid attention to in your life before. (And I don't care if that's actually true – that you haven't been paid attention to before now, PRETEND it's not.)
Your job is to let him think this relationship is unfolding naturally, and he has a part in it.
Be as excited as you want to with your BFF; hop around and squeal and stay up all night talking about him on the phone, but never let on to him that that's what's happening.
You're calm, collected, and unbelievably fabulous. He is so fortunate to be dating a woman like you!
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